Inclusive love: same-sex couple adopts a child with disability

In our country, there is no distinction of age, sex or marital status when adopting a child or teenager. It is a characteristic of adoption in the country. And you, have you ever thought about being a father or mother at heart? 

Patrícia and Priscila, two women in a same-sex relationship, fought for the right to be adoptive mothers and are almost in the final stage of the adoption process for Rafael, who was 13 months old at the time. A boy who, at birth, was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy, which didn’t stop them from loving him as soon as they met him. 

Patrícia always dreamed of being a mother, but due to early menopause, she found herself infertile at the age of 29. Below, during an interview with Coluna da Neuza, she emotionally tells a little of this story.

Coluna da Neuza: How did you overcome the fact of not being able to have a baby? 

Patrícia: “First, the non-acceptance came, then I kept asking myself, why with me, God? I couldn’t understand why He gave me a heart so full of love for children, but I couldn’t be a mother. 

Later, through my sister, who is very religious, I discovered that I could be a mother and, to do so, I didn’t need to get pregnant. I could have a child in my heart, because to be a mother, you just need to have a lot of love to give to a child.” 

So, she pursued adoption. Patrícia says there were several obstacles along the way, but she fought until she was able to qualify for the process. At the same time, she went to live with Priscila, who, over time, became a partner in the process and made a point of saying that her partner always supported her at all times, making Patrícia’s dream also hers.

Coluna da Neuza: How was your first contact with Rafael? 

Patrícia: “When we went to meet our son, he was not moving and had a report of unidentified cerebral palsy, we felt scared. We were afraid of taking him from the shelter and not being able to cope with the demands that would come with him and at first we decided that the adoption would not be possible and we returned home”. 

The child’s room was already there, and it was there that Patrícia entered and talked to God, asking Him to send a family for that child. Two weeks later, she discovers that, apart from them, Rafael has not received a visit from anyone. 

Patrícia and Priscila decided that they would continue the process of getting closer. Patrícia returned to the shelter and, picking up the child, said: “from today on, I am your mother here on earth”. 

After 15 days of getting close to him, which is the time required for both parties, the adopter and adoptee, to adapt, they both took him home. 

They say that since that day he started to change and today he is another child; he crawls, moves, with his hands and does many other things that he didn’t do before.

Diagnosis 

Later, they discovered, through tests, that Rafael hears 100%, despite sometimes seeming the opposite. Patrícia explains that this is because his brain still doesn’t really understand sounds, however, with time and lots of stimulation, he will be able to hear normally. 

Rafael’s demands are very great, every day he goes to the NGO Dona Meca, where he does motor and respiratory physiotherapy, speech therapy, music and in the future he will do hydrotherapy, in addition to being assisted by Rede Sarah. 

The two mothers work outside the home, at different times and are divided to take care of Rafael. However, currently, Patrícia and Priscila cannot imagine life without the little one.

Children for adoption 

Patrícia also says that the majority of children up for adoption are groups of siblings, children over 10 years old, teenagers, children with some type of physical or mental disability and others. “People idealize that inside the shelter they will find a little blond being, with blue eyes, completely healthy, but that is not the reality.” 

“Another thing is that people tend to complain about the system, that it is very slow and bureaucratic, but if it weren’t for this delay and bureaucracy, many children would be sent back and suffer again and, unfortunately, this practice happens a lot,” she says.

Message for those who want to adopt 

Finally, Patrícia says that it would be impossible to adopt Rafael if Priscila wasn’t by her side. It is possible to adopt solo, but with a person by your side, everything becomes lighter. 

And she leaves a message for you who have doubts about adoption. 

“If you want to be a mother, you don’t depend on a uterus, but on a heart ready to love. And if you are afraid of meeting your child and they have a health problem, I want to tell you that a report is not a final sentence, and love heals, just as it healed Rafael’s, Priscila’s and mine’s lives. Today, we are a happy family.” 

For couples or single people who want to adopt or are considering this possibility, one of the sources of support is a support group such as ANGAAD, of which Patrícia is a volunteer. 

The only requirement for anyone wishing to qualify for adoption is to be 18 years old. 

To conclude, they are grateful for the existence of institutions that offer support to people with special needs, such as Dona Meca and Rede Sarah. They give chances and enable children like Rafael to progress, have a better quality of life and, in the future, be able to exercise their full potential. 

Follow Patrícia and Priscila, Rafael’s mothers, on Instagram.